Ups And Downs…
|October 10, 2012||Posted by Katy under Inner Musings|
Excuse the break from workout, training, and other related posts…
It has been over seven weeks since I have moved to the DC area. Sometimes I feel like these past seven weeks have flown by and other times I feel like they have been painstakingly slow. There are days when I feel like I am accomplishing a lot and other days when I feel like I have done absolutely nothing.
I’ll keep this post brief because I’m sure it is probably annoying to read a post like this. However, sometimes writing out your feelings is much more therapeutic than talking to someone about them.
I know that I am going to sound like a stereotypical recent college graduate, but this move has been tough; much more tough that I imagined. The rose colored glasses have been stripped and I am now seeing the “real world” with a new set of clear frames.
I am absolutely blessed to have an amazing internship with Girls on the Run- DC. I can honestly say that I LOVE going into work and exploring a different side of the organization. Sure the long commute sucks at times, but as soon as I step off the Metro train in the morning, I feel like I am in my element. I am happy going into the office. I am happy to be working in a city that I first fell in love with 11 years ago. The days are long, but I go to bed feeling like I have accomplished something for the day. The days when I go into my internship are the days I look forward to every week.
However, the other days are tough and seem to overshadow the good days. While I have always been an independent person and have no problems going out and doing things by myself, I have been feeling incredibly lonely. Let me preface my next statement with this: I LOVE my aunt and I am so gracious that she has generously opened her house to me while I get on my feet, but I am having a difficult time adjusting to “my new life.”
Living out in the country has been a huge change for me. My aunt’s house is in a small town, a good 50-60 minute drive to the nearest metro station. I am making very little a week (barely enough to cover my gas costs) so it is not feasible for me to go into the District to go on group runs, go to dinner, or meet new people. The town I live in does not have anything for people my age so I don’t have that option. Basically, I feel alone.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I am depressed, but I am definitely having feelings of discouragement. Of course I didn’t expect this move to be easy, but I also didn’t expect for it to be so difficult emotionally. And for whatever reason, my emotions can change at the drop of a hat. One moment I can be happy and excited and the next, I can be angry or frustrated with everything. I find myself getting nit picky and frustrated about the most random things- traffic and all the driving that I do on a daily basis being on the top of my list. Bless my parents because they have unfortunately had to deal with these sudden mood swings. They are seriously saints.
I know that there is only so much I can control right now and I know that my concerns are minuscule compared to what other people have to deal with on a daily basis. I do realize this, but for whatever reason, I can not stop fixating on my concerns and just suck them up and deal with them. Honestly, at times, I feel a bit selfish.
I know that it sounds like I am complaining, but I don’t mean for it to come across that way. I know that I am blessed to be here, to have the support of my parents who believe in me, and the ability to be around my extended family everyday. I am so grateful and I will never take all of this for granted.
So for now, I guess I just need to force myself out of this funk and try my hardest to focus on the positives. The positives are there, I just need to remind myself of them.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings…